In 48 hours I will be directing my first photoshoot for the line of outerwear I’ve been sewing. I’m excited and anxious and doubtful and confused all at the same time! Plus I only have 4 pieces done (I wanted 8 done). I’ve been pulling in unemployment benefits, but that’s only $93 a week , so there’s not much left over for fabric and notions.
Tiffany volunteered her modeling services. For those of you who don’t know who she is, I wrote about her in my post (Christmas feels like) and (lovers and friends)
I’ve also started a business account on instagram. I have a staggering 2 followers (thanks you guys) and 4 posts. So I am truly starting this thing from the bottom. After buying this ticket to Hawaii I had about 350 in my account. After paying my rent and buying fabric for this line, im holding on to that 93 dollars like it’s the last time I’ll ever see it.
Back to the subject, I’m going to show you guys these pics whrn they get done. The direction of the shoot is gonna be young city girl in midtown on a Saturday. She has her ear buds in and she’s waiting for an Uber 😉 we’ll not exactly, but random to that effect
I have been tinkering with the idea of starting a new blog. I want potential customers to read about the creative process and the joys that come from creativity from my perspective. Although, if one were to read the past 15 or so blog entries, they may not want anything to do with me and my issues. So the question becomes “do I censor them and give them lollipops and rainbows” or “do I leave my naked truths for the world to judge”…
The truth is, I’m more afraid of the people who do know of me than the people who dont. People I went to high school and college with learning that I was brutally raped in my home, became depressed and afraid of the world, rendered myself homeless after a failed suicide attempt, and all the bullshit in between.
The message I want to send from Create and Deliver is to give to the world things that were given to me. I want to share my journey and memoirs to inspire and beautify. I want people to know that they aren’t the only ones who have had shitty circumstances. They’re not the only ones who wishes they could sleep and never wake back up. They’re not the only ones carrying pain. But I also want them to know that they can still follow their dreams. Everyday that they are alive, they can be their own superhero. And slowly, but surely, they can find all the beauty their hearts desire. They can create a world within this world and live happy lives.
It’s been 10 months since my last blog post. Sometimes I scroll through and read…and It makes me sad. All the hell I was living in. All the anger. The days I was hungry, and the days I was scared to leave my house. But I also read the triumphs. The day I went to a shelter and the day that lady brought me food to eat. How the compassion of strangers encouraged me to give life another shot. How a stranger with similar struggles took me to New York and inspired me to sew again. How the love and kindness of a woman I met online filled me with such life and ambition that I found a job doing what I love and have been doing it ever since.
I can’t give my future friends and supporters a watered down version of my life. When I think of the greats – the Basquiats and Einsteins, the Cobains and the Winehouses, the Alexander McQueens and the Robin Williams; they had a balance of darkness and light. We were moved by their artistry and they were not perfect. Who am I to pretend to be? Little ol Ty isn’t perfect and that’s okay.
So I will move onward and upward.
Just a couple of updates:
The man Darius Ellis who raped me 2 years ago took a plea deal. He pled guilty to Assault with the attempt to rape. According to the prosecution, my credibility was shitty because of a conviction of ebt (foodstamp) fraud I had back when I was 23. The defense was going to say that I fucked him willingly and only pressed charges because he robbed me after the consensual sex. So instead of 20 years he will only serve 10. I don’t know how to feel about it, but I wanted to give you all the conclusion to that horror story.
Also, I turn 27 in a few days, and I am celebrating by taking myself to Hawaii!
All these years, hell, all my life I’ve never been to a beach and not only am I finally going to a beach but I am going to probably one of the prettiest beaches in this country and I couldn’t be more excited!
I am also working on a few items for my etsy store that I intend to model on said beach. AND I want to bring back things I get while in Hawaii and incorporate them into my designs. This is what Create and Deliver is about! I plan to bring home all my lais flowers and make jewelry/bookmarks/whatever I can whip up.
This week has been horrid and amazing at the same time! I am happy to announce that I received that job I was gunning for last week, but that job came with its own set of obstacles.
Rather than relive the problems I was up against, I will just copy paste the email I wrote to my social worker:
The job is in gwinett county, (Snellville ) and it’s about a 5 mile walk from the grta Xpress bus stop. It takes me about 3.5 – 4 hours to walk each way. With the time I’m off work plus the commute into the city, I cannot get back to my storage unit before the building closes.
There is a homeless shelter in Lawrenceville that is about 7 miles from my job, but they won’t accept me because I am not a gwinett county resident.
Some of the other shelters will take me in, but I won’t be allowed to come and go for work, since they are mostly domestic violence/sex trafficking or other special case shelters.
How does one get themselves out of homelessness when the institutions intended to help us are holding us back and turning us away?
How did I work this out? I packed my blankets, some foam and my sleeping bag in a suitcase, layered up and moved myself to Snellville. This isn’t what the post is about, I just had to give you the back story
So since I had 3 days of work, I wore 3 different shirts. I’m guessing my manager noticed that the pink shirt that was under the black on Wednesday was the the same pink shirt I wore over the black shirt today.
Because I didn’t know where to go until after work was over, I did bring my suitcase into work on Wednesday. When my manager inquired, I told her I was getting a hotel down the street.
There are probably a few more things i hadnt consideres that were telling on me (eating my canned beans for lunch, wearing jeans with a rip on the inside, charging my phones everyday in the breakroom, my hair standing up on top of my head, plus, someone walked in on me washing my face yesterday) and my managers called me to the office to inquire about my living situation.
Not only do my bosses know I’m house less, but my love interest knows as well. I just told her flat out. We’ve been talking about my visiting her in Maryland for over a month, and I’ haven’t had enough money to afford a ticket. Me being frustrated with myself for having no money and her growing impatient with me not actively planning to see her was just getting to be too much. I kinda sorta ran away from her last week and didn’t call her til I realized that I’m never going to meet anyone like her ever again in life, and that I would be making a bad move by pushing her away.
So now I’m here, feeling exposed, transparent, naked and under examination, but those are just my feelings. I don’t think that my bosses are judging me. Nor do I think my love interest judges me. She’s been supportive and I love her that much more for not running away from me this time
Long story short, the jig is up. But to be quite honest, I’m not concerned with hiding anymore.
New neighbor, new job prospect
I’ve been camping out in my storage unit for the past 31 days. In this time I found that I had a roommate who sleeps by her unit on the other end of my floor. I didn’t know she was there until I went walking around in search of a cleaner area to set up my sleeping bag (this particular building has a bad pest problem..fruit flies and roaches oh my). We will name her Carlie. Carlie is an older lady who works at a financial firm with no children and a fiesty personality. We get along lovely.
Today she told me that there was a woman on the 4th floor last night.
With it being the beginning of the month, I can see somebody camping out for a night to get all their belongings secured without having to spend extra gas and time to return the next morning. However, if there’s a new houseless person who will be living here then I hope she dosent get us busted. It’s much too cold to return to nights under the moon. The summer is gone and a new hell is upon us earth dwellers. I’m happy to inform you that I’m getting over this debilitating cold that overcame me this past weekend. Shout out to starbucks for the free hot water…shout out to mom’s for the tea bags!
I also received a call for an interview at another sewing company. However, this job’s location is in Snellville, Ga and far from any public transportation. I have no issue walking 6+ miles one way for a job, but I have never walked that long in the cold and rain. I am going to go through with it, but I need to make this hire happen. I didn’t get on with men’s warehouse which was a shocker, and this job requires sewing athletic garments in its entirety. I know HOW to do it, I just hope I can convince them that I know how. I don’t have the most experience with knitwear either, and any seamstress will tell you that stretch fabric is one of the problem children of textiles. The biggest headache is chiffon..then slippery fabrics like jerseys and satin. And stretchy knits are also a pain. But I digress..